Overwhelming Itches

Have you ever had winter boots on, when you feel an itch...IN YOUR FOOT? 

Don't pretend you haven't tried the "rub-your-foot-against-the-inside-of-your-shoe-because-scratching-your-foot-in-public-looks-weird" technique. We've all been there. What's worse is that I'm 100% sure, when I exited the womb, I signed a waiver that said foot-itches would never happen to me.

So why is this happening, huh?
It's like your body was like "see this? It's called the sole of your foot, and it's suuuper ticklish so sometimes when I'm really mad at you OR when I'm just really bored, I'm going to give you an itch there. It's really fun, kinda like getting your finger stuck in something stupid, don't even worry about it".

And so there I am looking really uncomfortable, doing what crying and laughing would look like if it had a baby. It's like self-inflicting torture, because it's satisfying, but you're tickling yourself and it's just the worst. Like yeah sure, everyone's looking at you and yes it's a library, but even Prince William has foot-itches and I don't see anybody staring at him.
SO PUT THOSE EYEBALLS OF JUDGEMENT AWAY.

If you find an affective technique to scratch your foot, let me know  
And Until Next Time, Cheemo!

Casual Epiphanies

Have you ever been minding your own business, doing what you do, only to be stopped by your thoughts?

So I was eating my pasta, reading the ingredients & nutritional facts on the parmesan cheese container when my jaw just dropped and I thought "O.M.G.....do people still use shoe-horns?"(Not that pasta and cheese had anything to do with shoe-horns, but the thought just hit me like a frisbee to the face).

Guys, I don't think I've seen an actual-facts, shoe-horn in over 8 years.
BUT SERIOUSLY. I used to use shoe-horns everyday, ERRDAY as a youngin.
When did I stop using them?
It's like one day all the shoe-horns decided they wanted to travel the world so they all joined together and left.

Then I was thinking...."Do 12-year-olds even know what shoe-horns ARE?", and why is it called a shoe-horn?

*If anyone is reading this and you don't know what I'm talking about....a shoe-horn is a wooden or plastic stick you receive after you've completed the journey to Narnia in an attempt to save the world from evil forces. If you haven't gotten yours yet....I guess your time hasn't come*

MY MIND IS BLOWN. I hope everyone's looking for their shoe-horns like I am and Until Next Time, Cheemo!

SIDENOTE: Also, where are those REMAX air balloons I used to see all the time? Did they rebel against society and fly away?

Purposefully Blind

If you have glasses you know exactly what I'm gonna talk about.

I'm talking about those people (you know who you are) in elementary school/middle school/highschool/college that look at you and go "OMIGASH you have glasses? Can I try them on?"

I always give the same reaction: "guuuurrrrlll do you want to be blind for the rest of your life?...Sure here you go".

I'm pretty sure the only reason the local Lenscrafters is still in business is because I've ruined the eyesight of everyone in my town. Come to think of it, everyone who's tried my glasses in elementary school has glasses of their own.........WHAT it's not my fault. Now they look FAAAABBBBUUULLLOOUUUSSSS in their new line of geek-chic frames. 

But let's get real, everyone wanted glasses when they were young (God knows why). And it's exciting for the first 3 months, but then it's like "......now I have to remember to put this on my face or else I have no vision".

Nevermind when you forget them at home and had to call your mom like Napoleon Dynamite. Except this time, if she can't come it's not chapped lips that's the problem. But you know, it's just your sight so whatever (lol jk nope).

*gasp* what if I'm being controlled by optometrists everywhere to jam my glasses onto everyone's face to ruin their eyesight?  OH MY LANTA, my body is not ready for this.

Hope you're as blind as me and Until Next time, Cheemo!