Overwhelming Itches

Have you ever had winter boots on, when you feel an itch...IN YOUR FOOT? 

Don't pretend you haven't tried the "rub-your-foot-against-the-inside-of-your-shoe-because-scratching-your-foot-in-public-looks-weird" technique. We've all been there. What's worse is that I'm 100% sure, when I exited the womb, I signed a waiver that said foot-itches would never happen to me.

So why is this happening, huh?
It's like your body was like "see this? It's called the sole of your foot, and it's suuuper ticklish so sometimes when I'm really mad at you OR when I'm just really bored, I'm going to give you an itch there. It's really fun, kinda like getting your finger stuck in something stupid, don't even worry about it".

And so there I am looking really uncomfortable, doing what crying and laughing would look like if it had a baby. It's like self-inflicting torture, because it's satisfying, but you're tickling yourself and it's just the worst. Like yeah sure, everyone's looking at you and yes it's a library, but even Prince William has foot-itches and I don't see anybody staring at him.
SO PUT THOSE EYEBALLS OF JUDGEMENT AWAY.

If you find an affective technique to scratch your foot, let me know  
And Until Next Time, Cheemo!

Casual Epiphanies

Have you ever been minding your own business, doing what you do, only to be stopped by your thoughts?

So I was eating my pasta, reading the ingredients & nutritional facts on the parmesan cheese container when my jaw just dropped and I thought "O.M.G.....do people still use shoe-horns?"(Not that pasta and cheese had anything to do with shoe-horns, but the thought just hit me like a frisbee to the face).

Guys, I don't think I've seen an actual-facts, shoe-horn in over 8 years.
BUT SERIOUSLY. I used to use shoe-horns everyday, ERRDAY as a youngin.
When did I stop using them?
It's like one day all the shoe-horns decided they wanted to travel the world so they all joined together and left.

Then I was thinking...."Do 12-year-olds even know what shoe-horns ARE?", and why is it called a shoe-horn?

*If anyone is reading this and you don't know what I'm talking about....a shoe-horn is a wooden or plastic stick you receive after you've completed the journey to Narnia in an attempt to save the world from evil forces. If you haven't gotten yours yet....I guess your time hasn't come*

MY MIND IS BLOWN. I hope everyone's looking for their shoe-horns like I am and Until Next Time, Cheemo!

SIDENOTE: Also, where are those REMAX air balloons I used to see all the time? Did they rebel against society and fly away?

Purposefully Blind

If you have glasses you know exactly what I'm gonna talk about.

I'm talking about those people (you know who you are) in elementary school/middle school/highschool/college that look at you and go "OMIGASH you have glasses? Can I try them on?"

I always give the same reaction: "guuuurrrrlll do you want to be blind for the rest of your life?...Sure here you go".

I'm pretty sure the only reason the local Lenscrafters is still in business is because I've ruined the eyesight of everyone in my town. Come to think of it, everyone who's tried my glasses in elementary school has glasses of their own.........WHAT it's not my fault. Now they look FAAAABBBBUUULLLOOUUUSSSS in their new line of geek-chic frames. 

But let's get real, everyone wanted glasses when they were young (God knows why). And it's exciting for the first 3 months, but then it's like "......now I have to remember to put this on my face or else I have no vision".

Nevermind when you forget them at home and had to call your mom like Napoleon Dynamite. Except this time, if she can't come it's not chapped lips that's the problem. But you know, it's just your sight so whatever (lol jk nope).

*gasp* what if I'm being controlled by optometrists everywhere to jam my glasses onto everyone's face to ruin their eyesight?  OH MY LANTA, my body is not ready for this.

Hope you're as blind as me and Until Next time, Cheemo!

Repulsive Band-Aids

Have you ever been in a pool, swimming along (pretending you're a polar bear) when all of a sudden you see it? That's right. There's a freaking band-aid. 

Yup, it just happens to be around, chillin', having an awesome time being itself.....right next to your face.

Do you understand how universally disgusting it is to combine pools and band-aids? I have never seen a person react calmly to such a sight. I have however, seen grown men react in a stereotypically feminine fashion of "Ohmigash! There's band-aid. Ew. Eww. EW!" while splashing water on it to get it away from them.

I think it's the unknown that scares us. 

We'll ask ourselves the important questions like:

Where has that band-aid BEEN? 

Why is it here? Am I going to get sick? 

How long has it been chilling by my face? 

Who's the son-of-a-turtle that put it there? 

Where can I get disinfected? 

Does it come with a full-body apricot scrub?

ALL the while making strange noises from our throats and letting everyone around us know how awful it is to be you right now.

The thing that got me was..........it could be Megan Fox's band-aid and it would still be gross. Let's face it. Band-aids and large bodies of water are the bee's elbows. NOT COOL.

Keep it to yourself, you nasty.

Until next time. Cheemo!

An Abundance of Thanks

TURKEY! WOOOT! BRING IT ON MOM! I mean....Being thankful, that's good too.

I think we forget what Thanksgiving's really about. I mean seriously, if we're supposed to be thankful everyday, why do we have to have ONE day where we stuff our faces with turkey and pumpkin pie?

I'm takin' it back to the Valentine's Day argument. But really, if we're supposed to love and be thankful everyday why do we have these holidays? And why does Valentine's Day involved a HUGE argument about being Forever Alone but Thanksgiving doesn't?
C'mon people, get your crap together.

So my metabolism is the stupidest, stupid-stoop in the world so I gained a grand total of 5 pounds over the weekend. Wooow, don't hurt yourself Faith. Yeah, yeah well it's a miracle I gained anything. Nevermind the fact that our family now has six years worth of leftovers as 7 people weren't able to make it to our Thanksgiving Dinner.
I remember one time, about 6 years ago, I ate the biggest turkey dinner ever, only to find out I lost 3 pounds. Like I said, my metabolism is stupid.

Guessing people's lunch is fun because it's like "What do you have for lunch? OH WAIT, let me guess. The giant bird of feasting from which we give thanks around?". Wow, why am I always right?

THEN COMES THE DREADED QUESTION: soooo, what are YOU thankful for?
Aw crap, seriously? I gotta say something? It usually goes like this:

Mom: My Health
Dad: My Family
Sister: My Friends
Dog: My Food
You: *MAN, everyone took the good ones"......Um.....the internet?

In all seriousness I think I need to make a list of things I'm thankful for. There are so many things and I'll put it on the internet for everyone to see:

-Being able to speak English (I would probably fail if I had to learn it as a second language)
-Being able to forget
-Having the ability to even (only while supplies last)
-Hugs, Hugs, HUGS
-Being able to remember
-Having all my body parts (even though I hate running, I'm still glad I have legs)
-Trying escargots and not throwing up the first time.
-Not being allergic to anything (Food is SO good)
-Being alive when the Internet existed (Everyday I'm Tumblrin')
-Those lovely souls that send me physical mail sometimes
-Hoodie Strings (those things teach you patience, m'kay?)
-Not having to drink water out of a contaminated pond
-Having the mental capacity to think for myself
-Maintaining a healthy conscience (No, I shouldn't have bought all the seasons of Friends)
-People who fall asleep on buses
-Voldemort jokes that nobody nose (...peh-heh)
-Being able to feel and have emotions
-Having the ability to play music
-The Potential to be happy
-Donuts
-Not looking when all my classmates Googled "Blue Waffle"
-Eyes to see beautiful people (aka Ingrid Michaelson)
-Being able to laugh as hard and as LOUD as I can
AND
-White clothes (you know, for when I have my period)

These are just a few of the things I'm thankful for. There are so many things to be thankful for, a short list doesn't even encapsulate my inner and deepest most thoughts on gratitude.
I hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving full of gluttonous tendencies, but also for the time spent commemorating what we really do love, enjoy and are grateful for. I love you all and until next time. Cheemo!

Counter-Active Tendencies

Ever done something that goes completely against its intended purpose?
Like two days ago I decided I needed to exercise a little because let's face it, during the summer all we do is sit at home and reblog things on Tumblr. So I walked for 30 minutes up this HUGE hill to the library. I dropped off my books and then on the way DOWN the huge hill I figured, Why not stop and browse the Shoppers Drug Mart to my right?, only to exit the store with a tube of Pizza flavoured Pringles.

After I bought them I regretted it but thought I'd make the best of my horrible mistake. I told myself that for every 10 steps I could eat a chip....I'm not even joking. By the time I reached my house there were maybe 15 Pringles left. Don't worry, when I closed my front door safely behind me I scarfed the rest of those down. But the point is: I was supposed to exercise and I ended up exercising my jaw. What else is new?

Have a great summer and Until Next Time. Cheemo!

Think about it....but don't think about it

OKAY think about it...but don't think about it.
Our dogs are animals....and they LIVE with us. In our HOUSES. Isn't that the weirdest thing ever? And we treat them like family and they appear to love us back. They're animals! What if the first person who domesticated animals actually said "OH HAI Imma catch this raccoon back here, and make it live with me". We'd probably be living with raccoons in our houses wondering why the first person who domesticated animals didn't domesticate dogs.

Okay. Think about it...but don't think about it.
We were all little people...and we grew bigger. WHAT? I know, it's a strange thought. I recall being little, but now I'm taller, bigger etc. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN AND WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME? Let's look back shall we? At one point or another you probably used a stool to reach the bathroom sink. I was thinking the other day 'How little was I, that I needed a freaking stool to reach the sink?'. Apparently REALLY little because that sink is not so high anymore.

(This is the weirdest one ever)
Think about it....but don't think about it....
Our teeth....fall out. Do you understand this? They fall out and new ones replace them. Where do these said 'grown-up teeth' hide until they're ready to come out? Where do they come from? How do they KNOW when to come out? Like....our TEETH FALL OUT. Also I don't quite remember so many teeth falling out. I only remember perhaps 6 teeth wiggling and falling out but I'm pretty sure I had more teeth than that. SO WEIRD

Life is weird, life is short, so question EVERYTHING. Until next time, Cheemo!