Repulsive Band-Aids

Have you ever been in a pool, swimming along (pretending you're a polar bear) when all of a sudden you see it? That's right. There's a freaking band-aid. 

Yup, it just happens to be around, chillin', having an awesome time being itself.....right next to your face.

Do you understand how universally disgusting it is to combine pools and band-aids? I have never seen a person react calmly to such a sight. I have however, seen grown men react in a stereotypically feminine fashion of "Ohmigash! There's band-aid. Ew. Eww. EW!" while splashing water on it to get it away from them.

I think it's the unknown that scares us. 

We'll ask ourselves the important questions like:

Where has that band-aid BEEN? 

Why is it here? Am I going to get sick? 

How long has it been chilling by my face? 

Who's the son-of-a-turtle that put it there? 

Where can I get disinfected? 

Does it come with a full-body apricot scrub?

ALL the while making strange noises from our throats and letting everyone around us know how awful it is to be you right now.

The thing that got me was..........it could be Megan Fox's band-aid and it would still be gross. Let's face it. Band-aids and large bodies of water are the bee's elbows. NOT COOL.

Keep it to yourself, you nasty.

Until next time. Cheemo!

An Abundance of Thanks

TURKEY! WOOOT! BRING IT ON MOM! I mean....Being thankful, that's good too.

I think we forget what Thanksgiving's really about. I mean seriously, if we're supposed to be thankful everyday, why do we have to have ONE day where we stuff our faces with turkey and pumpkin pie?

I'm takin' it back to the Valentine's Day argument. But really, if we're supposed to love and be thankful everyday why do we have these holidays? And why does Valentine's Day involved a HUGE argument about being Forever Alone but Thanksgiving doesn't?
C'mon people, get your crap together.

So my metabolism is the stupidest, stupid-stoop in the world so I gained a grand total of 5 pounds over the weekend. Wooow, don't hurt yourself Faith. Yeah, yeah well it's a miracle I gained anything. Nevermind the fact that our family now has six years worth of leftovers as 7 people weren't able to make it to our Thanksgiving Dinner.
I remember one time, about 6 years ago, I ate the biggest turkey dinner ever, only to find out I lost 3 pounds. Like I said, my metabolism is stupid.

Guessing people's lunch is fun because it's like "What do you have for lunch? OH WAIT, let me guess. The giant bird of feasting from which we give thanks around?". Wow, why am I always right?

THEN COMES THE DREADED QUESTION: soooo, what are YOU thankful for?
Aw crap, seriously? I gotta say something? It usually goes like this:

Mom: My Health
Dad: My Family
Sister: My Friends
Dog: My Food
You: *MAN, everyone took the good ones"......Um.....the internet?

In all seriousness I think I need to make a list of things I'm thankful for. There are so many things and I'll put it on the internet for everyone to see:

-Being able to speak English (I would probably fail if I had to learn it as a second language)
-Being able to forget
-Having the ability to even (only while supplies last)
-Hugs, Hugs, HUGS
-Being able to remember
-Having all my body parts (even though I hate running, I'm still glad I have legs)
-Trying escargots and not throwing up the first time.
-Not being allergic to anything (Food is SO good)
-Being alive when the Internet existed (Everyday I'm Tumblrin')
-Those lovely souls that send me physical mail sometimes
-Hoodie Strings (those things teach you patience, m'kay?)
-Not having to drink water out of a contaminated pond
-Having the mental capacity to think for myself
-Maintaining a healthy conscience (No, I shouldn't have bought all the seasons of Friends)
-People who fall asleep on buses
-Voldemort jokes that nobody nose (...peh-heh)
-Being able to feel and have emotions
-Having the ability to play music
-The Potential to be happy
-Donuts
-Not looking when all my classmates Googled "Blue Waffle"
-Eyes to see beautiful people (aka Ingrid Michaelson)
-Being able to laugh as hard and as LOUD as I can
AND
-White clothes (you know, for when I have my period)

These are just a few of the things I'm thankful for. There are so many things to be thankful for, a short list doesn't even encapsulate my inner and deepest most thoughts on gratitude.
I hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving full of gluttonous tendencies, but also for the time spent commemorating what we really do love, enjoy and are grateful for. I love you all and until next time. Cheemo!

Counter-Active Tendencies

Ever done something that goes completely against its intended purpose?
Like two days ago I decided I needed to exercise a little because let's face it, during the summer all we do is sit at home and reblog things on Tumblr. So I walked for 30 minutes up this HUGE hill to the library. I dropped off my books and then on the way DOWN the huge hill I figured, Why not stop and browse the Shoppers Drug Mart to my right?, only to exit the store with a tube of Pizza flavoured Pringles.

After I bought them I regretted it but thought I'd make the best of my horrible mistake. I told myself that for every 10 steps I could eat a chip....I'm not even joking. By the time I reached my house there were maybe 15 Pringles left. Don't worry, when I closed my front door safely behind me I scarfed the rest of those down. But the point is: I was supposed to exercise and I ended up exercising my jaw. What else is new?

Have a great summer and Until Next Time. Cheemo!

Think about it....but don't think about it

OKAY think about it...but don't think about it.
Our dogs are animals....and they LIVE with us. In our HOUSES. Isn't that the weirdest thing ever? And we treat them like family and they appear to love us back. They're animals! What if the first person who domesticated animals actually said "OH HAI Imma catch this raccoon back here, and make it live with me". We'd probably be living with raccoons in our houses wondering why the first person who domesticated animals didn't domesticate dogs.

Okay. Think about it...but don't think about it.
We were all little people...and we grew bigger. WHAT? I know, it's a strange thought. I recall being little, but now I'm taller, bigger etc. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN AND WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME? Let's look back shall we? At one point or another you probably used a stool to reach the bathroom sink. I was thinking the other day 'How little was I, that I needed a freaking stool to reach the sink?'. Apparently REALLY little because that sink is not so high anymore.

(This is the weirdest one ever)
Think about it....but don't think about it....
Our teeth....fall out. Do you understand this? They fall out and new ones replace them. Where do these said 'grown-up teeth' hide until they're ready to come out? Where do they come from? How do they KNOW when to come out? Like....our TEETH FALL OUT. Also I don't quite remember so many teeth falling out. I only remember perhaps 6 teeth wiggling and falling out but I'm pretty sure I had more teeth than that. SO WEIRD

Life is weird, life is short, so question EVERYTHING. Until next time, Cheemo!

Serendipitous Restaurants

Have you ever had a strange conversation with your friends? Assuming you have friends, YES you probably have. I mean, we're talking the weird beyond WEIRD conversations because for some reason, nothing is THAT weird to talk about. I've realized recently that every year or so a common theme pops up. You might think it's something common like "girls being so mean to their friends" or "boys treating girls like poo" and, even though we DO talk about that a lot, it's way, WAY deeper than that.

Me and my friends often talk about restaurants we should open up. Hold your horses, you haven't even heard the worst of it yet. In my grade 9 science class, my friends were like "I-HORP-WA-FAS" and I was like "...whhaaa?". They came up with a spin-off of IHOP, it's called IHORPWAFAS. Get this, it stands for International House of Reasonably Priced Water And Fries And Stuff. How cool are my friends?

Recently this year in gym class, we were talking about our favourite foods: we all liked waffles and we all liked sushi so we were like "OMG, let's make a food truck where we sell sushi on waffles. We'll call it.....WAFFLE-SUSH". We weren't even thinking about how gross that would be because, at the time, it was a ground-breaking discovery.

Again, my friends are the coolest. Seriously, what can be next? Until Next Time, Cheemo!

Insignificant Layers

Have you ever worn layers of sweaters to school? Have you ever had somebody ask you "are you cold?". Is that not one of the weirdest things to ask someone? I mean, if you're wearing layers that means that you WERE cold so now you've put sweaters on so that you can be....WARM.

There are three scenarios that can go down in a situation like this:
a) Someone asks you "Woah, are you cold?", and you say "YES, I AM SO COLD" whereupon they look at your 7 layers of sweaters and say "I can tell". Basically, what's the point of saying "are you cold" in the first place if you can already tell they're cold? OR
b) Someone asks you "Woah, are you cold?", and you say "Nope, I'm warm" whereupon they look at your 7 layers of sweaters and say "You are? Well, you looked really cold with all those 7 sweaters so I just figured I'd ask". Basically, what's the point of asking if you're not prepared with a better answer. OR
c) Someone asks you "Woah, are you cold?", and you look behind you, to your right and to your left and you scream "HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL THE LLAMAS ARE COMING FOR THEIR FORTUNE COOKIES" and run off. What? It's as productive as the other two scenarios.

So now that you've read this guide, I hope you use it (especially the third scenario). Happy New Year Everyone! Thanks for reading my blogs for 1 year now. Until Next Time, Cheemo!